Friday's Morning Email: Russian Troops Readying For Invasion

The
There is such a job as Jack Daniels taste tester -- which means we'll have to come up with new titles for our jobs now. Regardless. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Friday, March 28, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

MISSING PLANE SEARCH MOVES NORTH
"Planes are searching a new area of the Indian Ocean for possible signs of the Malaysian airliner after a new analysis of radar data suggests the plane flew faster than thought and used up more fuel, which may have reduced the distance it traveled, Australia said Friday." The Feds also found nothing of interest in the pilot's flight simulator. CNN talks how so many sighting still have led to "nothing to see." And the families of the 1977 Malaysian plane victims warn that answers may never be found. [AP]

RUSSIAN TROOPS AT UKRAINIAN BORDER PREPARING FOR PROLONGED DEPLOYMENT
"Russian troops massing near Ukraine are actively concealing their positions and establishing supply lines that could be used in a prolonged deployment, ratcheting up concerns that Moscow is preparing for another major incursion and not conducting exercises as it claims, U.S. officials said." The Washington Post published a graphic on how this latest iteration of Russian aggression futher enforces the notion that this is "not your Mother's Russia." [WSJ]

AUTISM IN CHILDREN INCREASES BY 30%
"One in 68 children in the United States have now been identified with an autism spectrum disorder, according to new Centers for Disease Control and Prevention numbers released Thursday." [HuffPost]

STATESIDE: Mudslide Search Slogs On
The Washington mudslide search has "come down to shovels." Massachusetts is upping the availabilty of anti-overdose drug Naloxone. An Oregon mom killed her four-year-old son because she thought he was gay. This woman is organizing wedding dress donations across the country to make "angel gowns" for babies that don't make it home from the hospital. UPenn is coming under fire after concealing a rash of student suicides for weeks. And Charlotte's mayor resigned after being busted in an FBI corruption sting operation.

In squirrel whisperer news, here's a girl who makes adorable tiny hats for squirrels.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Lightning Awe
The International Space Station's shots of lightning are pretty epic. First Twitter, now Youtube: Turkey has moved to block the video site. The New York Times examines the effects of global warming on countries like Bangladesh, who have done little to contribute to the phenomenon. And some of the dogs saved from Sochi arrived in D.C. for adoption.

In awesome grandma news, here's one rocking out to "Ice, Ice Baby."

BUY! SELL! BUY! Welcome, Waffle Taco
Glaxo recalled a weight loss drug after widespread worries it had been tampered with. Blackberry's about to have a bad morning. A study just named the "happiest job in America," but we already found our dream job: Jack Daniels taste tester.

In leaf war news, here's a dog having a hard time with a leaf.

SCOUTING REPORT: Dayton Dances On
Dayton continues its improbably awesome March Madness bracket-busting run. Gotta love ex-Hoya Vee Sanford. The Detroit Tigers have agreed to pay Miguel Cabera $292 million over 10 years, because they never did a case study on the Angels' Albert Pujols. Just saying. Johnny Manziel did NFL pro day as you'd imagine Johnny Football would do NFL pro day -- blasting Drake and with George H.W. Bush in attendence. This Stanford selfie taken by Richard Sherman and Condalizza Rice is pretty great. ESPN ran an investigative report on allegations UNC academic standards were lowered for college athletes, and this is an example of a paper they found. The Oscar Pistorius trial has been ajourned until April 7.

In strugglebus news, here's a baby elephant having a hard time getting up.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Hermione New Little Mermaid???
Forget Hermione...Emma Watson could be the next "Little Mermaid." Fleetwood Mac is getting back together. The first "Teenage Mutant Turtles" trailer was released, and it's got plenty of turtle snark. Critics are happy with initial footage from the dark thriller "Gone Girl." This is what the ideal World of Warcraft wedding looks like. "Scandal"'s Dan Bucatinsky talks last week's scandalous episode. And the best part of this New York Times "Noah" review is the explanation for the rating at the end.

In brainfreeze news, here's a bunch of dogs who love ice cream.

LIVIN': Day Drinking Daze
Broke? Here are 50 spring dresses under $100. Add a pop of color to your door with these paint suggestions. Do you want to decorate around your TV? Here's how to make a gallery wall. Win an Easter egg decorating contest with these 40 awesome ways to jazz up your entries. Here's how not to react when your parents tell you you're having a baby sister. And Thrillist published the ultimate guide to day drinking. Have at it, folks.

In hunger news, here's a dog finding a way to his treats.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Bill Murray's PBR Pants
We want Bill Murray's PRB pants. Zac Efron got into a fist fight with a homeless man. Yes, that actually happened. Nick Cannon revealed his rather large black book. Joan Rivers criticized Lena Dunham's weight. Mindy Kalig doesn't wanna be skinny. And Lorde's boyfriend wrote a letter, well, about being Lorde's boyfriend.

In joie de vivre news, here's a bunch of horses rolling around.

TWITTERATI

@joshgroban: I just can't wait/just can't wait/can't wait wait wait/oh just can't wait wait wait/can't wait can't wait/to take off my pants

@JohnStamos: Whoever is reading this, you're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about u. so smile! - life is 2 short to be unhappy

@StephenAtHome: Of all the former Presidents who have been on my show, Jimmy Carter is by far the most former.

@UncleRUSH: In one's compassion lies incredible strength and integrity.

@russellcrowe: Had the coolest conversation with my Mum and Dad after they saw #Noah in NY. It is certainly a conversation starter.

ONE MORE THING
There is such a thing as a chicken glamor shot. Enjoy.

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