By Lauren Weber with Eliot Nelson
Bottomless brunch might be illegal, but drinking on airplanes is still OK. That's good, because you'll really need that $9 mini bottle of pinot grigio to calm your nerves now that our planes don't have enough air marshals. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Wednesday, February 26, 2014.
The Scuttlebutt
TOP STORIES
OBAMA, KARZAI NOT FANS OF EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW "Frustrated with his Afghan counterpart, President Barack Obama is ordering the Pentagon to accelerate planning for a full U.S. troop withdrawal from Afghanistan by the end of this year. But Obama is also holding out hope that Afghanistan's next president may eventually sign a stalled security agreement that could prevent the U.S. from having to take that step." [HuffPost]
PUTIN ORDERS COMBAT READINESS TEST OF TROOPS Including those on the border with Ukraine. Eastern Europe is starting to feel like the first thrid of a Tom Clancy novel. [HuffPost]
OBESITY DROPS 43% FOR YOUNG KIDS IN THE LAST DECADE Michelle Obama now just has to get those over 5 to keep moving. [NYT]
STATESIDE: We Need More Liam Neesons
According to CNN, the number of air marshals patrolling the skies is dropping -- great news after those shoe bomb threats and "Non-Stop." As for life on the ground, President Obama is proposing a four-year $302 billion program to improve our roads and bridges. Yayyyyyy for construction for forever. Joe Biden said the following while talking about basketball: " "I told the president, next game, I've got him...I may be a white boy, but I can jump." In Arizona, Governor Jan Brewer is mulling whether to veto the anti-gay bill on her desk. And these people found $10 million in buried treasure in their backyard. Excuse us while we go buy a metal detector.
In everything goat news, here's a bahhhhhtiful goat round-up (sorry).
INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Amanda Knox and Boyfriend's Alliance Crumbles
In a counter move to Venezuela's expelling of three of the U.S.'s diplomats, the U.S. has given three Venezuelan diplomats 48 hours to get outta dodge. Amanda Knox's Italian ex-boyfriend is jumping ship on the whole "we're both innocent" thing, and Pope-emeritus Benedict denied reports he was been forced to resign the papacy last year. In Chile, more than 40 skeletons of beached whales are being unearthed -- under a highway.
In pitbull news, here's what happens when you put two of 'em in a photo booth.
BUY! SELL! BUY! Sneaky Shenanigans at Credit Suisse
Our favorite preppy retailer J. Crew is looking to IPO later this year. Chambray futures are skyrocketing. GM expanded their recall of compact cars, citing ignition issues that have caused 13 deaths. JP Morgan announced they're cutting 8,000 jobs across their consumer and community banking divisions - meanwhile, Jamie Dimon's Christmas card will only feature a dozen tennis balls this holiday season. But Credit Suisse takes the cake after the Senate alleges they helped U.S. clients hide billions in assets utilizing "An elevator controlled remotely... a bank office referred to by its code name... [and] a sheaf of bank statements hidden in the pages of Sports Illustrated."
In toddler news, here are some reenacting scenes from Oscar best picture nominees.
SCOUTING REPORT: Invisible Player High-Fives
Aaaron Hernandez allegedly beat up a prisonmate yesterday. This guy needs some serious help. "All We Do Is Win" is the new motto for Witchita State after a 30-0 record, and this Kansas State player takes technical free throws to another level. Last but not least, we fully back Ozzie Smith's proposal to make baseball's Opening Day a national holiday.
In best friend news, here's a dog trying to get her bud to play..
CULTURE CATCH-UP: Queen B's New Costumes Run the World
Bobby Bottleservices of the world celebrate: The Entourage movie hits theaters June 12, 2015. Beyonce debuted new costumes on her European tour -- they're incredible, naturally. The new Godzilla trailer has us thinking a big monster movie can actually be good. You can now stream Pharrell's new album on iTunes Radio. People has decided to stop publishing pictures of celebrities' kids without explicit permission. And Ben and Jerry's just changed the ice cream game forever with these "core" flavors.
In baby panda news, here's one tossing around a ball.
LIVIN': Don't Take Away Bottomless Brunch
Bottomless brunch may be technically illegal in NYC. The tears won't stop if they take away the never-ending mimosas (IT'S BOTTOMLESS, PEOPLE). Always have too many browser tabs open? You're currently reading the newsletter of someone who does. Help is out there, and it's called the OneTab extension. Our lives are irrevocably changed for the better. Here are some meals you can cook with your coffee pot. And this guy has lived on pizza for the past 25 years. Really.
In NSFW pizza news, here's Domino's response to a customer who claimed he burned himself while... um... well... making love to a pizza (we don't think it's the guy who lived on pizza for 25 years).
OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Katy Perry, John Mayer definitely not engaged
Well that's the quickest way to squelch engagement rumors: Katy Perry and John Mayer have allegedly called it quits. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a small wedding -- yeah right. Justin Timberlake flipped off a fan in concert (yes, you read that correctly), Eliot Spitzer and his girlfriend showed some PDA at a Knicks game, Robin Thicke canceled another concert in light of his impending divorce with Paula Patton. And Jenna Fischer is having her second baby!
In meerkat news, here's one laughing.
TWITTERATI
@WilliamShatner: Hmm Twitter is still slumbering today. Did everyone go back to MySpace? #nobodyevertellsmetheseghings
@tyrabanks: ...and that moment you release your bobbies from bra jail!
@samantharonson: There are so many things I would do, if I gave a shit.
@StephenAtHome: The "Got Milk" ad campaign is ending after 20 years. Oh no. Now how will people hear about milk?
@JoseCanseco: Quess what time it is...turtel time its turtle turtle time
ONE MORE THING
This "Full House" meets "House of Cards" mash-up is haunting our dreams. Who knew a Tanner family picnic could be so ominous?
Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP).
The Scuttlebutt
- Putin ordering combat readiness for troops on Ukranian border
- Katy Perry and John Mayer are splitting up, all but guaranteeing more John Mayer heartbreak songs. Ooof.
- Credit Suisse getting caught trying to
pull off a Bond movie stunthide billions of U.S. clients' assets
TOP STORIES
OBAMA, KARZAI NOT FANS OF EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW "Frustrated with his Afghan counterpart, President Barack Obama is ordering the Pentagon to accelerate planning for a full U.S. troop withdrawal from Afghanistan by the end of this year. But Obama is also holding out hope that Afghanistan's next president may eventually sign a stalled security agreement that could prevent the U.S. from having to take that step." [HuffPost]
PUTIN ORDERS COMBAT READINESS TEST OF TROOPS Including those on the border with Ukraine. Eastern Europe is starting to feel like the first thrid of a Tom Clancy novel. [HuffPost]
OBESITY DROPS 43% FOR YOUNG KIDS IN THE LAST DECADE Michelle Obama now just has to get those over 5 to keep moving. [NYT]
STATESIDE: We Need More Liam Neesons
According to CNN, the number of air marshals patrolling the skies is dropping -- great news after those shoe bomb threats and "Non-Stop." As for life on the ground, President Obama is proposing a four-year $302 billion program to improve our roads and bridges. Yayyyyyy for construction for forever. Joe Biden said the following while talking about basketball: " "I told the president, next game, I've got him...I may be a white boy, but I can jump." In Arizona, Governor Jan Brewer is mulling whether to veto the anti-gay bill on her desk. And these people found $10 million in buried treasure in their backyard. Excuse us while we go buy a metal detector.In everything goat news, here's a bahhhhhtiful goat round-up (sorry).
INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Amanda Knox and Boyfriend's Alliance Crumbles
In a counter move to Venezuela's expelling of three of the U.S.'s diplomats, the U.S. has given three Venezuelan diplomats 48 hours to get outta dodge. Amanda Knox's Italian ex-boyfriend is jumping ship on the whole "we're both innocent" thing, and Pope-emeritus Benedict denied reports he was been forced to resign the papacy last year. In Chile, more than 40 skeletons of beached whales are being unearthed -- under a highway.
In pitbull news, here's what happens when you put two of 'em in a photo booth.
BUY! SELL! BUY! Sneaky Shenanigans at Credit Suisse
Our favorite preppy retailer J. Crew is looking to IPO later this year. Chambray futures are skyrocketing. GM expanded their recall of compact cars, citing ignition issues that have caused 13 deaths. JP Morgan announced they're cutting 8,000 jobs across their consumer and community banking divisions - meanwhile, Jamie Dimon's Christmas card will only feature a dozen tennis balls this holiday season. But Credit Suisse takes the cake after the Senate alleges they helped U.S. clients hide billions in assets utilizing "An elevator controlled remotely... a bank office referred to by its code name... [and] a sheaf of bank statements hidden in the pages of Sports Illustrated."In toddler news, here are some reenacting scenes from Oscar best picture nominees.
SCOUTING REPORT: Invisible Player High-Fives
Aaaron Hernandez allegedly beat up a prisonmate yesterday. This guy needs some serious help. "All We Do Is Win" is the new motto for Witchita State after a 30-0 record, and this Kansas State player takes technical free throws to another level. Last but not least, we fully back Ozzie Smith's proposal to make baseball's Opening Day a national holiday. In best friend news, here's a dog trying to get her bud to play..
CULTURE CATCH-UP: Queen B's New Costumes Run the World
Bobby Bottleservices of the world celebrate: The Entourage movie hits theaters June 12, 2015. Beyonce debuted new costumes on her European tour -- they're incredible, naturally. The new Godzilla trailer has us thinking a big monster movie can actually be good. You can now stream Pharrell's new album on iTunes Radio. People has decided to stop publishing pictures of celebrities' kids without explicit permission. And Ben and Jerry's just changed the ice cream game forever with these "core" flavors. In baby panda news, here's one tossing around a ball.
LIVIN': Don't Take Away Bottomless Brunch
Bottomless brunch may be technically illegal in NYC. The tears won't stop if they take away the never-ending mimosas (IT'S BOTTOMLESS, PEOPLE). Always have too many browser tabs open? You're currently reading the newsletter of someone who does. Help is out there, and it's called the OneTab extension. Our lives are irrevocably changed for the better. Here are some meals you can cook with your coffee pot. And this guy has lived on pizza for the past 25 years. Really.In NSFW pizza news, here's Domino's response to a customer who claimed he burned himself while... um... well... making love to a pizza (we don't think it's the guy who lived on pizza for 25 years).
OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Katy Perry, John Mayer definitely not engaged
In meerkat news, here's one laughing.
TWITTERATI
@WilliamShatner: Hmm Twitter is still slumbering today. Did everyone go back to MySpace? #nobodyevertellsmetheseghings
@tyrabanks: ...and that moment you release your bobbies from bra jail!
@samantharonson: There are so many things I would do, if I gave a shit.
@StephenAtHome: The "Got Milk" ad campaign is ending after 20 years. Oh no. Now how will people hear about milk?
@JoseCanseco: Quess what time it is...turtel time its turtle turtle time
ONE MORE THING
This "Full House" meets "House of Cards" mash-up is haunting our dreams. Who knew a Tanner family picnic could be so ominous?
Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP).
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